I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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