I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
