did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
