i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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