Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
