It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
