So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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