I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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