The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
