The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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