I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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