I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
