well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
