Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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