My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
