i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize