Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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