so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
