those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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