A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
