He is such a slut. More and more my type.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
