So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
