I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
