Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You're like the curious george of whores
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
