I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
