So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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