I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
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