His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
So much rum. So many feels.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
