remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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