This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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