idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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