$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
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