Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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