I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
