but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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