I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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