I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It's never too late to be topless.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
