Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
