i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
