Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My life is pants optional.
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