yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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