I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
