It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
