Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
