Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
