im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
