Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
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