I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
