Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
