moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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