I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
