tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You made out with two different species that night
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
