This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
