wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
