Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Operation Purity has been aborted
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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