can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I cut my penus on the lid.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
