Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
