I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize