i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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