goodnight i made you a song goodbye
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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