Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
