I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
