Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
