They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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