Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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