what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
