if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize