so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
