Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
