At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Soap is not a condiment
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
