dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
why is half of my head shaved?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
