No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
