Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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