Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
