"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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