You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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