well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
