so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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