I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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