Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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